Ellen: Do you know the sex of the child?
Tina: We decided we are going to wait. We’re going to find out…never.
Ellen: Ok.
Tina: Not even after it’s born.
Ellen: Not even after it’s born?
Tina: I’m just going to see what it chooses to wear to prom.
Ellen: Give it time to figure it out. Good for you.

Ellen: Do you know the sex of the child?

Tina: We decided we are going to wait. We’re going to find out…never.

Ellen: Ok.

Tina: Not even after it’s born.

Ellen: Not even after it’s born?

Tina: I’m just going to see what it chooses to wear to prom.

Ellen: Give it time to figure it out. Good for you.

(Source: alfonsodisparioso)

i cybered on omegle today

You:

hi
Stranger:

hey
You:

wanna cyber
Stranger:

Depends are you a girl? ;)
You:

ya
Stranger:

And okay then, you start?
You:

i come into ur bedroom
You:

and ur sleeping
You:

and i crawl under your blanket
Stranger:

I'm still asleep
You:

u feel me pulling down ur pants
You:

and u wake up and smile
Stranger:

I kiss you gently, still sleepy
You:

then i smile and open the scissors around your dick and snap them closed
You:

cutting off your penis
Stranger:

wait
You:

THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEATING ON ME
Stranger:

Then what...?
You:

I HATE YOU
Stranger:

I didn't cheat
You:

you bleed to death in your bed
Stranger:

i didn't cheat on you. lets restart ok
You:

nobody ever knows what happened
You:

i flee to mexico with your Mercedes
You:

the end
Stranger:

I have a mercedes?
You:

not anymore faggot
Your conversation partner has disconnected.

morgrana:

in-the-village-of-derwyn:

morgrana:

morgrana:

for every popular text post you reblog there is a crying blogger on the other side drowning in notifications

DON’T YOU DARE

you know you secretly like it

dad:

I don't see the point in suicide
me:
dad:

if people are pissing you off kill them instead.
dad:

if you're sad just kill other people
dad:

no point in killing yourself. That's no fun.

new-ways-to-complain:

conservativegirlonpolitics:

That was the most informative thing I have ever been told by a duck

And I have been told a lot of things by ducks.

(Source: jape-art)

A QUICK LESSON ON CROPS AND WHIPS FROM YOUR FAVOURITE HORSE RIDER

satan-doge:

iwillincendiotheheartoutofyou:

THIS IS A CROP

IT DOES NOT MAKE THE ‘WHH-CH’ WHIP NOISE

IT CAN LEAVE BRUISING BUT WILL NOT CUT YOUR SKIN

THIS IS A WHIP

IT DOES MAKE THE ‘WHH-CH’ WHIP NOISE

IT PROBABLY WON’T LEAVE BRUISING BUT CAN CUT YOUR SKIN

NOW GO FORTH AND WRITE ACCURATE PORN

I JUST SPAT CRANBERRY JUICE ALL OVER MY HOMEWORK AND DESK BECUASE OF THE END OF THAT.

zacwells:

hey c’mere

_{_{No Closer…}}

_{_{_closer…}}

_{_{_{_*kiss*}}}

(Source: )

beyond-district12:

(Source: lugosi666)

(Source: antisocialfanz)

lickthegerman:

lickthegerman:

sup tumblr.

i have way too many followers and they are all pretty cool so i decided to do a give-a-way to celebrate that. yay.

problem: I OWN NOTHING COOL.

solution: give you money so you can buy yourself whatever you WANT!1!!1111

so how much money!!??

how does $130 U.S.A money sound?

people make give-a-ways so complicated but seriously i ain’t got time for shenanigans so here is the deal:

you can either like or reblog (or both!)

but just reblog once.

no seriously.

don’t be a fucking tool and reblog/like this more than once. i mean seriously.

prefer no give-a-way and rp blogs (unless your rp blog is your personal). come on you can just like it and still win i mean gosh.

you do NOT have to follow me.

that would be stupid.

the winner will be done via an automated system.

this ends at midnight on May 11th!

just a reminder that this is a thing i am still doing!

the-absolute-funniest-posts:

queenfattyoftherollpalace:

I don’t care how many times I’ve reblogged this

This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.

(Source: seekelsey)

(Source: fallout-atthedisco)